Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Raid Gaza!

Oh boy!

Newgrounds has long been a bastion for edgy, political, and humorous interactive media and its newest edition is no slouch.

Raid Gaza! puts you in the shoes of the Israelis trying to maximize Palestinian casualties by building barracks, missile silos, and airports. Your score is determined by just how much death and destruction you can rain on the Gaza Strip. What's more...whenever you run out of sheqel to spend on WMDs, you can just call up Uncle Sam on the Red Phone and replenish your funds! Hooray foreign aid!

Despite the controversial nature of this game, it's a pretty well-crafted strategy game with colorful graphics and a strangely addictive quality. It casts the Isrealis in a rather unpleasant light and makes us Americans look like assholes (as if we needed any help!). This game is not for the Israelite, but if you can stomach the dark humor and political nature, definitely give it a whirl. If nothing else, you'll learn something pretty despicable about the Israeli interim Prime Minister.

As Operation Ivy says, "...so stupid. Killin' each other. Don't we learn nothin'?"

Thanks to Kotaku for the heads up.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Great Mighty Poo

Best video game boss ever?

Best video game boss ever.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Masters in Gaming

New York University is becoming the latest school to join the handful of institutions that offer undergraduate and graduate degrees in video games and interactive media.

As reported by Crain's New York Business:

"NYU announced Tuesday that it has launched the NYU Game Center, which will offer long-term undergraduate and graduate degrees in the research, design and development of digital games. NYU will become the first New York City college to offer a degree in video games."

"The center will offer about 70 courses on game design and development. In the fall 2009, 10 to 12 NYU students will have the opportunity to choose a minor, major or double major in gaming. Beginning in the fall 2010, about six graduate students a year will be admitted to a two-year Master’s program and certificate program."

Sounds like NYU is getting while the getting's good. The gaming industry made around $38 billion last year. Eat your heart out, Hollywood.

Now if only I could come up with the $50 grand a year or so needed for tuition, fees, room and board.

Thanks to Kotaku.

Monday, December 8, 2008


Friday, December 5, 2008

You're Fired!

In honor of the 12 people that were layed off at my place of work today, I'm linking to a rather timely Gawker entry (posted today!) about why (besides the current economic depression, duh) so many people are getting the axe these days. Did you know that 533,000 Americans lost their jobs last month? That is staggering. I'm completely staggered.

The Cold Timing of Layoffs

I'm one of the lucky ones (today) and I'm thankful for that. Condolences to all of those less fortunate.

Django, this is Mario. Mario, Django.

This is nothing short of fantastic. I'd forgotten what a great little ditty (from the city) the Super Mario Bros. 2 theme is. Furthermore, I'll be listening to Django Reinhardt on Pandora at work all morning, of that you can be assured. (And if you're not yet aware of Pandora...what's wrong with you?)

I can only hope to be as awesome at anything someday as this guy (whose name is
Adrian Holovaty
) is at playing guitar. Bravo.

Thanks to Kotaku.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Mario Kart IRL


Check Kotaku for more.

The Quotable NES

The boys at SydLexia are back at it.

I'm a huge fan of their lists and their oh-so-wrong-yet-oh-so-right brand of humor. Their newest creation (besides the recent rash of Lessons Learned from entries...seriously, what's the deal with that show? It was like
Are You Afraid of the Dark?Goosebumps for TV...wait...Goosebumps had its own show too. Whatever. I'm not a fan.) is 50 NES Quotes Every Gamer Should Know. Seems self-explanatory enough. There are some pretty humorous ones as well that stand out from your typical Japanese/Engrish translations. Lots from the original Legend of Zelda too.

Enjoy. I know I did.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008



If you were one of the unfortunate souls who watched the Carolina-Clemson (non) rivalry game this past weekend, you know that the bad guys won...again (and yes, they are the bad guys and they know it. Ask any Clemson fan. They know that we are good and they are evil. They eat that shit up.). This year was a little different though in that the Gamecocks...never really took the field. And no, I'm not in denial.

Saturday's game was an absolutely piss poor showing by Steve Spurrier and the Cocks. Only a handful of Gamecocks played like they gave two shits about the outcome of the game. The only reason Spurrier appeared frustrated was because he couldn't give the quarterback carousel a spin due to Stephen Garcia's illness (flu...not stupidity) and Tommy Beecher's ineptness (no joke necessary...Beecher's spot on the team is humorous enough). Not that Chris Smelley isn't inept as well. Clemson should have given Smelley the game ball. His four (4!) interceptions led to 21 points for the Tigers.

David Cloninger of Rivals.com's Gamecock Central wrote an excellent piece on Saturday's debacle entitled Re-Start the Rivalry. Cloninger makes some excellent points about the nature of the beast that is Gamecock football. Here are some of my favorite quotes from his blog:

  • What struck me most about Saturday’s 31-14 USC loss at Clemson was the aftermath. Not one player I saw leaving the field had tears in his eyes or was down on the ground frustratedly ripping up turf. A few were smiling and shaking hands, handing out gloves and wristbands to all the kids – some of the recipients wearing Clemson clothing.
  • “They’re a better team,” Spurrier said. “Better coach, better team.”
    That one really stuck.
    Simply, no. I refuse to believe an interim-soon-to-be-permanent head coach with six games of experience is better than a national championship winner.
  • It’s fine if the Gamecocks want to concentrate on winning the SEC first and foremost. I said last week that beating Clemson every year and losing all the rest of the games would not be a good approach – some fans would be pleased, sure, but the coach would probably be checking the want ads. But if the SEC championship is a wish and not a realistic goal, as it is this year and most every other year USC has been in the league, then the goal must turn to beating Clemson.
  • Here’s a suggestion. Make four giant signs, two with the phrase “31-14” and two with the phrase “65-37-4.” Hang them at each end of the Bluff Road practice fields and at each end of Williams-Brice Stadium. They can come down when the Gamecocks prove they are worthy of having them taken down. If not, then the first sign gets updated with the score of the latest Clemson win and the first part of the second becomes “66.”
Well said, sir. This is essential reading if you're a Gamecock fan. Let's not forget the 2008 Clemson game. The Head Ball Coach better not forget it either. That's not a threat (You don't fire Steve Spurrier...he fires you), it just means that we are as frustrated with him as he is with us.

The '08 Gamecocks have one last chance in this year's Outback Bowl. Redemption is at hand.

Go. Fucking. Cocks.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I Never Hit A Woman...

...I just shake the shit out of her.

Kidding. Promise. BUT if you've ever wanted to hit a woman...here's your chance. It's called Rose & Camellia and its brought to you by
NIGORO (only the Japanese).

This might be the greatest game ever made. As Kotaku puts it, its a game about "Victorian- themed woman slapping." If that doesn't get your juices flowing, I don't know what will. I actually cried "Bitch!" out loud when I finally defeated the older sister. Now that's what I call interactive media. Watch out for the matriarch though. She's a tough ol' broad...and she hits HARD.

Give it a go. Hooray

Thanks to Kotaku's PC Gamer Gift Guide for the heads up.

Monday, November 17, 2008

All I Want For Christmas

Stop the presses. Seriously.

Someone tell the gaming industry to hold off on the good stuff for a while. I, for one, can't keep up with the never-ending stream of quality titles hitting the shelves these days. It's like it's raining fucking Skittles out there and there's too much of the rainbow to taste.

Not that I'm complaining. If you've ever felt that there was a veritable drought of good games coming out in a given period (which I certainly have),
this holiday season is the epitome of the old cliche "When it rains (Skittles), it pours." The release of Fable II and Fallout 3 in consecutive weeks is enough to put a strain on my wallet and my watch (Fable II, by the way, is awesome). After this Christmas, there should be no reason to grouse about a lack of games to play for several months following the holiday boom.

My list this year is massive. I do have four systems to support, after all, and there's at least one must-buy for each of them. I'm also still playing catch up. There are some oldies out there that I still need to pick up. All in all, this is several thousand dollars worth of software (and peripherals, in Guitar Hero: World Tour's case). Sacrifices will have to be made.

Here's the (semi)complete rundown:

XBOX 360

Guitar Hero: World Tour (apparently, the GH:WT instruments work with Rock Band 2 and from what I've read, GH:WT has the better drum set), Fallout 3, Prince of Persia, Pure, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion GOTY Edition (I know, I know), Mirror's Edge, NHL 09, Pro Evolution Soccer 2009 (or FIFA 09, haven't made up my mind yet), Soulcaliber IV, MLB Front Office Manager 2008, BioShock (I know! I know!), The Orange Box, Left 4 Dead


Boom Blox!, Resident Evil 4 (I KNOW!), Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World, World of Goo, MLB Power Pros 2008, Lego Batman


KORG DS-10 Synthesizer, Final Fantasy IV, Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia, Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, Dragon Ball: Origins, Tecmo Bowl: Kickoff, Metal Slug 7, Moon, Age of Empires: Mythologies, Chrono Trigger DS



Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals

Who knew PETA had a (dark) sense of humor?

If you're a fan of the Cooking Mama games like I am, you'll definitely appreciate this morbid take on the franchise.
PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has Mama going berserk on a poor turkey in preparation for her family's Thanksgiving feast, aptly titled Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals. It looks like Majesco had no hand in this (the game is "unauthorized") so I don't know how long it will be up on peta.org. That means you should play it before it's too late!

The gameplay matches up identically with its DS counterparts (I haven't played the Wii version but I'll be sure to grab it when it's in the bargain bin) except you're using a mouse and not a stylus (or Wiimote). You remove the feathers, rip out the organs, stuff the shit out of it, cut its fucking head off...hell, you even make some grotesque giblet gravy! It's broken up into stages like the original games are and you're rated for your efficiency with points and phrases like "Don't be a saint!", "Too Nice!", and "Meaner than Mama!". After successfully completing each stage, you're treated with a fun factoid about turkey farming in the US and given the opportunity to watch videos of turkey slaughters and other hilarious (read: horrible) things. Joy!

If you're especially quick (read: brutal) about all of this, you unlock a secret stage at the end titled "Mama Loves Animals" where you crumble up some tofu, shape it into a blob, baste some brown goop onto it, and throw it in the oven. Bing! Tofurkey! You're rewarded for going vegan with a beautiful montage of Mama loving up a turkey in front of a glorious rainbow! Homosexual!

Seriously though, hats off to PETA and Majesco for this ingenious collaboration. The dream team
manages to inform about the serious atrocities committed in order to put the turkey on the table AND entertain at the same time. You know what that is? That's art, right there. That's a mirror, society! Take a good look!

Anyway, I know I'll still be biting into some bird (ha) on Turkey Day.
Hypocritical? You bet I am. But does anyone really like tofurkey?

More at Kotaku.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I Ain't Afraid of Your Husband

In the late 1970's, comic book publisher Marvel Comics released a new series that explored the proverbial road less traveled. Narrated by an omnipotent, dome-headed alien known as The Watcher (stay with me here...), What If addressed a number of often ridiculous alternate possibilities within the Marvel Universe. Ever wonder what would have happened if Captain America had become President? Now you can find out! What would the world be like if Spider-man had joined the Fantastic Four? Guess where you can find the answer? You get the idea.

I've often tossed and turned in the night, mulling over my own what if scenario. For a time, I even considered developing a support group for others dealing with the same plaguing question: What if Johnny Cash had been turned into a vampire by Dracula (as portrayed by Bela Lugosi)?

While this inquiry might be humorous to some, I submit that the ramifications of this unholy union would've rocked the foundations of both the vampire and musical communities to the core. What would Count Cash-ula sound like and look like? Would he have devoured the inmates of Folsom Prison without hesitation? Would June Carter have become his queen of the night?

Like the potential existence of aliens and the Sasquatch, these questions will invariably go down as history's greatest mysteries. It is with great pleasure, however, that I submit to you the closest possible answer: Unknown Hinson, The King of Country-Western Troubadors.

Fans of Adult Swim's Squidbillies may know Unknown Hinson as the voice of Early Cuyler, but if they've not yet sampled his musical offerings, they're only seeing a small facet of this amazing performer.

To be fair, Unknown Hinson isn't as much a musician as he is a concept. With songs such as I Ain't Afraid of Your Husband, I Cleaned Out a Room (In My Trailer for You), and Peace, Love & Hard Liquor, it's easy and frighteningly effortless to fall into the white-trash, psychobilly vibe that he offers. As a fan of between-song banter, I also salute Unknown for his uncanny ability to more or less let his "character" completely assimilate the man. I feel confident that anything could happen and Unknown Hinson wouldn't skip a beat - he'd still refer to the fairer sex as "womern" and would still encourage everyone to "take a drank of brown party liquor and be somebody."

For those of you who have frowned upon gimmick-based musicians in the past, fear not. Unknown Hinson is, for all intents and purposes, a real-live guitar hero and an avid follower of Jimi Hendrix, it would seem. I've seen him in concert only one time, but the transition from I Make Faces (When I Make Love) into Hendrix's Manic Depression was flawless and majestic.

Side note: I don't throw around the word "majestic" - it's just not in my character.

Please, please, please, please - do yourself a favor and track this man down. Buy him drinks. Take him for a round of mini-golf. Do whatever it takes, but make sure he gets what he deserves.

Olbermann on Prop 8

Well said.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Change Has Come

I'm proud of us. All of us.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Redskins Predict an Obama Victory

There is a legend in ol' D.C. that specifies that if the Washington Redskins lose their home game before an election, the incumbent party will lose the White House. Likewise, if the Redskins win, the incumbents retain control of the Oval Office.

The success or failure of the Redskins has correctly predicted 17 of the last 18 elections, the only miss occuring in the last election in 2004 when George W. Bush (despite his many, shall we say, shortcomings) managed to defeat John Kerry and the Redskins lost to the Green Bay Packers. This should've signified a Democratic victory, but the American people had other (stupid) plans. The Skins' streak was broken.

Last night, the Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Redskins 23 - 6. The American people hold the power to make the Redskins political prognosticators once again. Could the Redskins' loss be Obama's gain?

I really hope so. If the Skins lost for nothing, I'm going to be pissed.

For a complete listing of the Skins punditry, check out Snopes.com's article on the subject.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Frostbite @ The Annoyance

My friends Ben and Gabx have a sketch/long form improv show at the Annoyance Theatre starting up very soon!

It's called Frostbite and it tells the story of a snowman with an apetite for brains.

If you live in Chicagoland, do yourself a favor and get to the Annoyance to show them some much deserved support.

Check it out here.

Mario the Plumber Votes Democratic

Since he is going to be busy fighting baddies in the Mushroom Kingdom tomorrow, Mario Mario* cast his vote for the 2008 election at an early voting site in Brooklyn late Friday. When asked who he voted for upon exiting the polling center, the omnipotent overalled one exclaimed, "I choose-ah Obama! Woo hoo!"

When asked why other plumbers, such as the (in)famous Joe from Ohio, were voting for McCain, Mario declined to comment.

Kotaku reports.

They are the Super Mario Bros. after all. I guess that means their names are Mario Mario and Luigi Mario...but that's another story for another day.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

McCain Thinks You're Racist Too


On Tuesday, John McCain accidentally agreed with John Murtha's (warranted) accusations that Western Pennsylvania is a racist area.

McCain's attempts to recover are even more confusing, though it seems like the crowd didn't care all that much.

I think pepaw was a little sleepy when he made this slip.

Check The Huffington Post for more.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Is That Play Legal?

As if we needed any more help losing football games, this recent loss another heart-breaker to #11 LSU at Williams-Brice last Saturday night, this referee decided to take matters into his own hands and play a little defense on the Tigers' behalf. The back judge literally moves in sync with Stephen Garcia, moves towards him, and then decleats him. I suppose this didn't get that much attention because Mike Davis ran in for a (controversial) touchdown 2 plays later on 4th and Goal...but the question still begs to be asked what this Referee/Linebacker had at stake in a Gamecock loss.

All conspiracy theories aside, Steve Spurrier and Co. managed only 42 yards of total offense in the entire second half. You can't beat anyone putting up sorry numbers like that. Same shit, different year.

Go Fuckin' Cocks...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Keep Moving Kids...

When you go trick-or-treating this Halloween, don't stop at any houses that have one of theses signs on your door unless you want to be offended. Sexually offended.

Fox News reports.

The Head Ball Coach Pees Where He Damn Well Pleases

God love him.

This is old news (2007), but it's new to me. I happened upon it while searching
Deadspin for Steve Spurrier. Says Deadspin's Will Leitch, "When you are Steve Spurrier, you piss where you damned well please."

Damn right.

Apparently, while playing a round at August National last year, the HBC
just couldn't hold it
until he finished the hole.

The comments on this page are particularly delectable. I especially like the one that says "You can't spell urinate without UT." Take that, Rocky Top. Of course, you also can't spell 'suck' without USC.

Nevertheless, he's a class act, ol' SS...that's for damn sure. I'm so glad he's our coach.

Go Cocks.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'll See You In Detention

Classic. Thanks Kent.

Tigers in Turmoil

Thanks to Deadspin for this.

There is no sweeter sound on the planet than the sound of a Clemson Tiger fan's tears. It sends shivers of ecstasy racing down my spine. Tiger Tears make me harder, better, faster, stronger.

Bye bye, Tammy.

Go Cocks.

Radiohead: Live at Lollapalooza 2008

Someone went and did something awesome. This guy rc529rdhd, a YouTube user, recorded Radiohead's ENTIRE set at Lollapalooza'08, a show I was also at (albeit about 150 - 200 yards from the stage amongst the sea of thousands). RC (for short) also recorded Thom Yorke and Co.'s set at Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, and also a smattering of other bands at Lolla '08 (Check out Holy Fuck...you will not be disappointed. They live up to their name.) Check out his YouTube channel here. I further recommend visiting his page because you can watch all of the videos I've embedded here in higher quality. If I ever see you, buddy, you're getting a huge hug from me.

To all of you who didn't get a chance to see Radiohead on this last tour (shame on you), or for those of you that did see them but didn't get to see them live at Lolla '08 like me (and tens of thousands of other people)...enjoy.

1. 15 Step

2. Airbag

3. There There

4. All I Need

5. Nude

6. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi

7. The Gloaming

8. The National Anthem

9. Faust Arp

10. No Surprises

11. Jigsaw Falling Into Place

12. Reckoner

13. Lucky

14. The Bends

15. Everything In Its Right Place

16. Fake Plastic Trees

17. Bodysnatchers

18. Videotape

19. Paranoid Android

20. Dollars & Cents

21. House of Cards

22. Optimistic

23. 2+2=5

24. Idioteque

Again, check out the higher quality videos at rc529rdhd's YouTube channel. And thank him for being so awesome. And thank Radiohead too.

Monday, October 13, 2008


Find more videos like this on w.a.s.t.e. central

The official new video...hand picked from fan submissions. Pretty incredible animation. And the song's not bad either ;)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Ten Things Theaters Need to Do Right Now to Save Themselves

Brendan Kiley of Seattle's the Stranger has written an interesting article that makes some valid points about how theatres can help themselves avoid extinction. I'm always up for "state of the union" talks like these and I think more conversation needs to happen on the subject. Times are getting more and more dire and the arts risk being moved from the backseat and being tied up in the trunk of the car.

Check out Brendan's article here.

I posted a personal response on CTCC (Columbia Theatre Community Central [though I think the final 'C' should stand for Collective]) as to how the suggestions in this article can benefit my hometown of Columbia. Here it is.

Ah yes...this is the stuff I love to talk about...that which interests
me most these days.

Great article. A lot of valid points. I'm in agreeance on the
Shakespeare situation. I don't think it should be banned, but I think
it should have its own little happy land...like Disneyworld. A place
where you can always go visit it if you want to, but you can also
avoid it at all costs.

Definitely agree on the premiere thing. Seems like Trustus (including
NiA et al) and the former Imperfect Theatre company are (were) the
only two groups in Columbia doing new work or at least "regional
premieres". Workshop occasionally pulls out something that hasn't been
done around these parts (a la Urinetown and The Full Monty). This is
the only thing that will keep people coming to the theatre and
revitalize the audience with new, younger theatregoers. I love
Williams, O'Neill, and Miller, (and hope to do some more of their
work...soon please!) but that is only going to keep the old veterans
in the seats.

Obviously, bringing in a younger audience is something EVERY theatre
is currently focusing on (and if you're not...good luck). I think
there are MANY ways to do that. Building on the BAR issue...this is
something Mr. Harley and I have talked to great lengths about. Don't
just give people a place to buy a drink...give them a place to
hangout. If only it were possible to have the bar open ALL the
time...to have it as an extra business in addendum to the theatre. The
Annoyance is a comedy theatre here in Chicago and they have PERFECTED
the theatre bar. The bar is open every night, regardless of what's
going on (though there is ALWAYS something going on there) and the bar
is open throughout the shows...it opens early and stays open late.
It's a phenomenal set up and one that certainly adds to their revenue
as well as their audience pool. Furthermore, producing sketch or
improv comedy on a regular basis (we're talking several nights a week)
is a GREAT way to bring in younger people and GREAT source of revenue.
Comedy is CHEAP to produce and if you build a following (as Armed
Chair at Trustus has done), you can make some serious money off of a
small investment. That really adds up.

The Child Care issue is another great point. This is something that is
gaining steam here in Chicago. The theatre I was at last night seeing
Sarah Ruhl's Eurydice (read it) and where I take classes, Victory
Gardens, offers child care for their shows. I really think this would
take off in Columbia. Theatres, if you have the space, seriously
consider a child care program. The article makes a great point for it,
serving as a day care (night care?) service as well as a part of your
education program. Simply brilliant. Get on this immediately. There
are gains to be had here.

As for the final points...I can't say I encourage dropping out of grad
school. I myself am hoping to avoid grad school. I'd rather just make
theatre (or whatever), but I'm not ruling it out as a stepping stone
on my way to a career. And as far as expecting poverty is concerned,
that is simply unacceptable. Financial success is by no means
guaranteed in our business, but financial failure should never be an
unavoidable reality. I refuse to accept this and so should you. I know
the economy is a in a graveyard spiral right now, but there are LOTS
of ways to make a living in the arts. I agree that unions hinder us
more than help us (its unfortunate but true...and the unions seem
unavoidable if you DO want to make a living in the theatre) and
changes need to be made there. There is money to be made through the
arts (though not much!). Poverty is not necessary.

For further reading, I agree with Steven in seeking out Mike Daisey's
writings. He's performing here in Chicago this weekend! He is a great
voice in the contemporary theatre landscape and he makes a lot of
great points about the direction of the art form. Funny enough, his
website currently discusses this same article we are talking about:

Keep fighting the good fight everybody. If I can help out at all back
home, please do not hesitate to let me know. I'm always ready to help
my friends.

Furthermore, I saw Eurydice with Daria and Don Hall last night at Victory Gardens and I definitely recommend it. The performances are great and the production value alone is worth the price of admission. Thanks Don!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals

"Now I'ma talk to a goat."

I was reluctant to like any of the newest SNLers, especially Andy Samberg, but I think I've officially been won over. This sketch is pretty effin' funny and Samberg does a damn good Mark Wahlberg impression.

And if you're the girl who goes "WOO!" when Andy is talking to the chicken...I hope you feel good about yourself. You're so novel! Now die.

"Say hi to your mother for me, alright?"

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Brady Quinn is a Douchebag

And apparently, a Republican (boo, hiss), just like the rest of Ohio (which is one of those states that gets in the way of everything else...like progress...or driving from Chicago to Pittsburgh).

As if we needed any more proof that the titular statement was true,
Deadspin breaks this story and it all becomes abundantly clear. Have fun riding the pine this Sunday, Brady. Good luck with that.

Go G-Men.

Monday, October 6, 2008

How Now, Dow Jones

In honor of the ongoing financial crisis our nation is beset by, I present catharsis through musical theater. I give you the 1967 musical comedy about Wall Street...How Now, Dow Jones.

The best thing to come out of this musical (besides a Tony for Hiram Sherman) is the song Step to the Rear, which was adapted into the University of South Carolina fight song! Go Cocks!

I propose a revival of this Broadway failure due to topical relevance. I smell another Tony.

You Got The Touch

This is probably the single greatest music video ever made. Stan Bush's The Touch is flawless, though Mark Wahlberg's rendition in Boogie Nights is a close second (Good Lord, John C. Reilly is awesome).

By the way, at approximately 4:20 (heh) into the video, Bush shoots a laser beam out of his guitar. Awesome. I don't know about you, but I got to get me one of those.

This video is brought to you by seibertron.com. Don't worry. You'll be bombarded with reminders.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Nietzsche Family Circus

"Finally, something to make Family Circus relevant to my life."
- Ben Compton
If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.

"The Nietzsche Family Circus pairs a randomized Family Circus cartoon with a randomized Friedrich Nietzsche quote."

Plenty more of these gems here.

Punch-Out!! Wii

Fuck. Yes.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Who Watches the Watchmen?

I know I certainly will.

I can't even begin to describe just how excited I am about this movie coming out. If you haven't read the book, shame on you. It is a masterpiece. Probably the finest superhero story ever...just gripping, compelling writing.

This is an article from Collider about a recent invite-only press conference where the director, Zack Snyder, showed about 25 minutes worth of footage including the opening scene (with The Comedian) and credits, the origin of Dr. Manhattan, and the Rorschach prison escape (Insert heavenly choir with epic underscore here).

Can't. Hardly. Wait. (Ethan Embry not included.)

Fantasy Baseball 2008: The Final Insult

It's over. Thank God.

It's been a long and frustrating season and I'm glad to see this one come to end. It didn't end with a slow burn but rather with a bang. I was in three finals and one heated race for second place. I came out on top once. One out of four ain't bad, but it sure is disappointing.

The Rentals steamrolled through the playoffs in Yahoo Winner 288574 and defeated Polish Piper 6 -2. It was an unexciting vict
ory. I led this league all year long and was never down to Piper at any point during our two week playoff. Also, this was the league I cared LEAST about. But I won it. Yippee.

My Cubby Bears in ESPN lost a real nail-biter. I was down by a large margin to Rocky Hardman all throughout our two week final, but I pulled dead even with him on a couple of days in the final week. When the dust cleared, he was the winner by a 6 - 4 margin. I have to say that had he not picked up Odalis Perez on Sunday morning and gotten the 5 Ks he provided, I would have won the strikeout column. That would have put us at a 5 - 5 tie, and because I was leading in ERA, the tiebreaking category, the win would've gone to me. Unfortunately, in ESPN, you can pick up and drop players instantly, which is more realistic, but a little annoying. Had I chosen to do the same and pick up a pitcher or two on the last day to pad my stats, maybe the story would be differe
nt... but I believe that to be a cheap tactic (which I will discuss later, boy will I ever) so I did not do it. I really wanted to win this league, but I will not begrudge him the victory. It was hard fought. He led through the entire matchup. It was a miracle that my team fough back to contend and he probably should've won. Bastard.

The Shams floundered right to the end. After leading NL Only for pretty much the entire season, I slipped into a battle for first place for about a month and then, with about three weeks remaining, fell into a struggle for 4th. I lost said struggle and ended up finishing 5th. This was a major disappointment. After drafting what I thought to be a shitty team (I'm never drafting Bill Hall again, ever), I was in second place for the first few weeks and then shot up to first, holding almost a 20 point lead at one point. I had a stranglehold on this league until about midway through August when I began to be challenged by Medfield Monarchs. My team slowly but surely got worser and worser and the result is what you see here. Oh well. I hate roto. Fuck it.

And now here's the kicker. I had th
e chance to win it all in Yahoo Public 198023. My beloved Let's Pet Puppies were down 6 -4 going into the final day and I had the lead in ERA. All I needed was to tie MADDSKILLZ in one category and victory would be mine. Much like the NL Only league, I dominated this league all. year. long. As a matter of fact, out of 22 weeks of regular season matchups, I only had 5 losses and 2 ties. I dominated. MADDSKILLZ did not slip in any of his categories and I couldn't put up the numbers to catch him in a category, so I lost. But what made the loss really insulting is that he felt he needed to CHEAT to assure the victory. This asshole engaged in a practice we call "streaming" which is adding probable pitchers for only the day they are scheduled to pitch in order to pad your pitching stats. This douchebag added SEVEN starting pitchers to his lineup for the final day. They gave him an additional 3 wins and 31 Ks. Now, as I said, I wouldn't have caught him in Ks or wins anyway, but it made me so angry that he thought he had to resort to cheating in order to beat me that I was just as pissed as if it had actually mattered in deciding the outcome. Boys and girls: do not stream. It's fucking lame. Man up and play with some ethics. Maybe I'm asking too much, but I would never engage in this kind of activity.

And that brings the 2008 Fantasy Baseball season to a close. I'm glad to see it go, and I'm ready to get some serious fucking revenge next year. Game on, bitches.

Fantasy Baseball 2008 MVP

Nate McLouth

Duh. McLouth was the surprise of the season and I had him on my teams early. He delivered solid production in every category throughout the year. Here's hoping the Pirates don't give the evil Yankees their wish and trade him over. Way to go Nate!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Financial Crisis? What Financial Crisis?


I don't know if you have heard at all about what's going down off the coast of Somalia, but a group of PIRATES (!) have jacked a Ukrainian cargo ship that was carrying a boatload (sorry) of serious weaponry including tanks, rocket launchers, and assorted ammunition. They are asking for $20 million in exchange for the ship. Currently, the U.S. Navy has them surrounded, and apparently the Russians are on the way as well. In other words, these pirates are fucked.

This is a great story from the AP. My favorite parts are "The pirates denied the report" and "...the pirate spokesman insisted the report was not true." The pirate spokesman also said: "ARRRRrrrrrrrrr!"

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sign Fail

Brought to you courtesy of failblog.org

Friday, September 26, 2008

McCain FTW

Brought to you courtesy of cracked.com

Thursday, September 25, 2008

As if you care...

There will be no Baseball update this week.I'm going to wait til Monday and wrap it all up. I will say that I don't think I'm going to finish as strongly as I would've liked.

As far as football is concerned, I'm now in six leagues: three in ESPN and three in Yahoo! This is my limit for the year (I promise). I'm feeling pretty good about the fantasy football season. Three weeks down and all of my teams still have winning r

In my ACL 1 league, my Shamecocks pulled off a shocking come-from-behind victory over Team Brett Who? I needed 20+ points from Antonio Gates, Vincent Jackson, and the Chargers D on Monday Night Football to win it, and they delivered, fittingly enough, against Brett Favre's New York Jets. I made a few moves, sneaking Deion Branch on to my team, as he is set to return from his injury following the Seahawk's bye this week. I also cut Brandon Jackson since Ryan Grant is completely healthy (supposedly) and added Buffalo WR Josh Reed to round out my WR corps which had been the weak spot on my team. Reed should put up some decent numbers with the way Buffalo has been playing and the inkury to Roscoe Parrish. This team is 2 - 1 and looking good, though they face a tough test this week as they play the team I traded Reggie Bush to at the beginning of the year. Here's hoping that doesn't bite me in the ass.

In my Jacksonville 643149 league, Let's Pet Puppies was lucky to get the win as King Kong left 83 points (!) on his bench, most of which are attributable to the surprising play of Ronnie Brown and the Miami Dolphins. I also got screwed by Brian Westbrook's injury and had Maurice Jones-Drew (pictured)put up 21 points while riding my pine. Assholes. I cut Matt Berry's trendy picks David Patten (lackluster) and Justin Gage (injured) from last week and added the Ravens' bruising fullback-cum-halfback Le'Ron McClain, as well as Tampa Bay touchdown machine "Hurricane" Ike Hilliard. The Pups have a tough matchup this week, going against fantasy phenoms Jay Cutler, Adrian Peterson, Brandon Marshall, and Chris Chambers. Yeesh.

My new (and final) league is another ESPN public league, New York 668932, with my good buddy W
ill. We weren't in any leagues together this season and decided to remedy that. Isn't that queer? We both fielded strong teams, but ESPN does this weird thing where if you start a league after the season starts, they give your team a record based on randomly decided matchups with the league's other teams, using the points your players scored in weeks 1 and 2 with a starting line-up you don't choose. By the luck of the draw, my Chi City Cripplers started out 2 - 0. Will's River City Hustlers started out 0 - 2. The good news: we both won in week 3, and we think some teams are either bots or totally not paying attenting. My team thrashed Team Garcia (Stephen Garcia???) last week by 32 points. This week, I face Team Smiley (nice name, asshat) which Will's Hustlers soundly thumped last week. From the looks of things, I should take this week easily and improve to 4 - 0. By the way, the Cripplers are:

QB: Drew Brees, Jon Kitna
RB: Westbrook, Chris Johnson, LenDale White, Correll Buckhalter (this week), McClain
WR: Larry Fitzgerald, Hines Ward, Dwayne Bowe, Wes Welker, Bryant Johnson
TE: John Carlson,
Jeramy Stevens
K: Neil Rackers
D/ST: Tennessee Titans

I'm stacked.


In BIG WILLY'S FOOTBALL LEAGUE, my Shamrocks decimated AAA pantypumpers 207 -147 led bye Phillip Rivers' HUGE game and the stellar play of Roddy White and my sleeper pick Brandon Lloyd. That marks my first correct sleeper pick of the season. I hope Lloyd can keep it up, though that's doubtful with "Neckbeard" Kyle Orton throwing to him. I added Patrick Crayton for Ray Rice since McGahee and McClain are getting the carries in Baltimore and I needed another WR. I'm still looking for that elusive third RB (and I missed the boat on Rashard Mendenhall, though that may not be such a bad thing). The Shamrocks are 3 - 0 and in second place.

In Taylor Christiano's League, I was handed my second loss by the cleverly named holla bitches, who was victorious by a 60 point margin. Yikes. I thought this was one of my best teams and they are 1 - 2 through three weeks and
sitting near the bottom of the league! I made some significant moves this week to try and remedy things. I let Ray Rice go for his more productive counterpart Le'Ron McClain (pictured), cut New England's shitty defense for the sack machine D of Philadelphia, parted ways with first week fling Dante Rosario and grabbed New York's Kevin Boss on his bye week, dropped Rashard Mendenhall and his big mouth for last week's fantasy flame J.T. O'Sullivan, waved goodbye to Antwaan Randle El in order to grab Tampay Bay's Jeramy Stevens to fill this week's hole at TE, and grabbed another Buc, WR Antonio Bryant, while kicking Reggie Williams' unproductive ass to the curb. Phew! Let's hope something clicks this week and I can even up my record with another win.

Finally, in Yahoo Public 543788, The Shams lost a closer-than-it-looked game to King Zeke to drop my record to 2 -1. If I had gotten any production at all from Brian Westbrook or Eddie Royal, the win might have gone my way. I made no moves
during the week because I still believe in this team, though the injuries to Westbrook and Willie Parker worry me a little since all I have left at RB are Chris Johnson and Jamal Lewis. I will need a strong showing this week to compete with a bengals team that scored more than double the points I put up last week.
Games of the Week

Minnesota @ Tennessee
This should be a defensive battle all the way. The Titans have a nasty D and will be looking to run on the other side of the ball with their two-headed tandem of Chris Johnson (pictured) and LenDale White. The Vikings also have a solid D and have some guy named Adrian Peterson (ya heard of him?) to give the ball to. However, this one will probably have to be won through the air (and therefore at the line of scrimmage), so veterans Kerry Collins and Gus Frerotte will be the deciding factors in this game. Sooner or later though, Johnson will get loose for the Titans. Tennessee wins it 17 - 10.

Green Bay @ Tampa Bay

Aaron Rodgers and the Packers' Al Harris-less D look to rebound from their first loss. Brian Griese and the Bucs look to build on last week's stolen win over Chicago in OT. I think Rodgers proves his mettle here. He looked good in the 4th quarter last Sunday. Packers win 24 - 17.

Washington @ Dallas
Here we go. The best rivalry in pro football. Skins and 'Boys. Big D looked dapper last week, picking up their first win at Lambeau. The Redskins won a tough game against a very good Arizona team. Jason Campbell (pictured)
looks like he's finally finding his form in Zorn's offense, and Santana Moss has a TD in every game so far this season. The Cowboys haven't been playing much defense, but they do have the Romo - TO connection and the beast that is Marion Barber, who has been unstoppable all year. The Cowboys are being given 11.5 points on Washington but I think it'll be closer than that. Look for both offenses to spread their wings. Final score: Dallas 31 - Washington 24.

Player of the Week
Steve Smith - WR, Carolina Panthers

Smith was held to 70 yards and no TDs in last week's loss to the Vikings. This week, the Panthers assert their dominance over an NFC South rival and their mediocre pass defense. Look for Steve to put up triple digit yards and at least 1 score as he torches the Falcons' secondary on Sunday.

For more NFL goodness, be sure to check out this week's Jamboroo over at Deadspin, as well as Bill Simmons' first power rankings of the season on ESPN's Page 2.