Thursday, October 2, 2008

Who Watches the Watchmen?

I know I certainly will.

I can't even begin to describe just how excited I am about this movie coming out. If you haven't read the book, shame on you. It is a masterpiece. Probably the finest superhero story ever...just gripping, compelling writing.

This is an article from Collider about a recent invite-only press conference where the director, Zack Snyder, showed about 25 minutes worth of footage including the opening scene (with The Comedian) and credits, the origin of Dr. Manhattan, and the Rorschach prison escape (Insert heavenly choir with epic underscore here).

Can't. Hardly. Wait. (Ethan Embry not included.)

Fantasy Baseball 2008: The Final Insult

It's over. Thank God.

It's been a long and frustrating season and I'm glad to see this one come to end. It didn't end with a slow burn but rather with a bang. I was in three finals and one heated race for second place. I came out on top once. One out of four ain't bad, but it sure is disappointing.

The Rentals steamrolled through the playoffs in Yahoo Winner 288574 and defeated Polish Piper 6 -2. It was an unexciting vict
ory. I led this league all year long and was never down to Piper at any point during our two week playoff. Also, this was the league I cared LEAST about. But I won it. Yippee.

My Cubby Bears in ESPN lost a real nail-biter. I was down by a large margin to Rocky Hardman all throughout our two week final, but I pulled dead even with him on a couple of days in the final week. When the dust cleared, he was the winner by a 6 - 4 margin. I have to say that had he not picked up Odalis Perez on Sunday morning and gotten the 5 Ks he provided, I would have won the strikeout column. That would have put us at a 5 - 5 tie, and because I was leading in ERA, the tiebreaking category, the win would've gone to me. Unfortunately, in ESPN, you can pick up and drop players instantly, which is more realistic, but a little annoying. Had I chosen to do the same and pick up a pitcher or two on the last day to pad my stats, maybe the story would be differe
nt... but I believe that to be a cheap tactic (which I will discuss later, boy will I ever) so I did not do it. I really wanted to win this league, but I will not begrudge him the victory. It was hard fought. He led through the entire matchup. It was a miracle that my team fough back to contend and he probably should've won. Bastard.

The Shams floundered right to the end. After leading NL Only for pretty much the entire season, I slipped into a battle for first place for about a month and then, with about three weeks remaining, fell into a struggle for 4th. I lost said struggle and ended up finishing 5th. This was a major disappointment. After drafting what I thought to be a shitty team (I'm never drafting Bill Hall again, ever), I was in second place for the first few weeks and then shot up to first, holding almost a 20 point lead at one point. I had a stranglehold on this league until about midway through August when I began to be challenged by Medfield Monarchs. My team slowly but surely got worser and worser and the result is what you see here. Oh well. I hate roto. Fuck it.

And now here's the kicker. I had th
e chance to win it all in Yahoo Public 198023. My beloved Let's Pet Puppies were down 6 -4 going into the final day and I had the lead in ERA. All I needed was to tie MADDSKILLZ in one category and victory would be mine. Much like the NL Only league, I dominated this league all. year. long. As a matter of fact, out of 22 weeks of regular season matchups, I only had 5 losses and 2 ties. I dominated. MADDSKILLZ did not slip in any of his categories and I couldn't put up the numbers to catch him in a category, so I lost. But what made the loss really insulting is that he felt he needed to CHEAT to assure the victory. This asshole engaged in a practice we call "streaming" which is adding probable pitchers for only the day they are scheduled to pitch in order to pad your pitching stats. This douchebag added SEVEN starting pitchers to his lineup for the final day. They gave him an additional 3 wins and 31 Ks. Now, as I said, I wouldn't have caught him in Ks or wins anyway, but it made me so angry that he thought he had to resort to cheating in order to beat me that I was just as pissed as if it had actually mattered in deciding the outcome. Boys and girls: do not stream. It's fucking lame. Man up and play with some ethics. Maybe I'm asking too much, but I would never engage in this kind of activity.

And that brings the 2008 Fantasy Baseball season to a close. I'm glad to see it go, and I'm ready to get some serious fucking revenge next year. Game on, bitches.
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Fantasy Baseball 2008 MVP

Nate McLouth

Duh. McLouth was the surprise of the season and I had him on my teams early. He delivered solid production in every category throughout the year. Here's hoping the Pirates don't give the evil Yankees their wish and trade him over. Way to go Nate!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Financial Crisis? What Financial Crisis?

PIRATES!

I don't know if you have heard at all about what's going down off the coast of Somalia, but a group of PIRATES (!) have jacked a Ukrainian cargo ship that was carrying a boatload (sorry) of serious weaponry including tanks, rocket launchers, and assorted ammunition. They are asking for $20 million in exchange for the ship. Currently, the U.S. Navy has them surrounded, and apparently the Russians are on the way as well. In other words, these pirates are fucked.

This is a great story from the AP. My favorite parts are "The pirates denied the report" and "...the pirate spokesman insisted the report was not true." The pirate spokesman also said: "ARRRRrrrrrrrrr!"

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sign Fail

Brought to you courtesy of failblog.org

Friday, September 26, 2008

McCain FTW

Brought to you courtesy of cracked.com

Thursday, September 25, 2008

As if you care...

There will be no Baseball update this week.I'm going to wait til Monday and wrap it all up. I will say that I don't think I'm going to finish as strongly as I would've liked.

As far as football is concerned, I'm now in six leagues: three in ESPN and three in Yahoo! This is my limit for the year (I promise). I'm feeling pretty good about the fantasy football season. Three weeks down and all of my teams still have winning r
ecords.
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ESPN

In my ACL 1 league, my Shamecocks pulled off a shocking come-from-behind victory over Team Brett Who? I needed 20+ points from Antonio Gates, Vincent Jackson, and the Chargers D on Monday Night Football to win it, and they delivered, fittingly enough, against Brett Favre's New York Jets. I made a few moves, sneaking Deion Branch on to my team, as he is set to return from his injury following the Seahawk's bye this week. I also cut Brandon Jackson since Ryan Grant is completely healthy (supposedly) and added Buffalo WR Josh Reed to round out my WR corps which had been the weak spot on my team. Reed should put up some decent numbers with the way Buffalo has been playing and the inkury to Roscoe Parrish. This team is 2 - 1 and looking good, though they face a tough test this week as they play the team I traded Reggie Bush to at the beginning of the year. Here's hoping that doesn't bite me in the ass.

In my Jacksonville 643149 league, Let's Pet Puppies was lucky to get the win as King Kong left 83 points (!) on his bench, most of which are attributable to the surprising play of Ronnie Brown and the Miami Dolphins. I also got screwed by Brian Westbrook's injury and had Maurice Jones-Drew (pictured)put up 21 points while riding my pine. Assholes. I cut Matt Berry's trendy picks David Patten (lackluster) and Justin Gage (injured) from last week and added the Ravens' bruising fullback-cum-halfback Le'Ron McClain, as well as Tampa Bay touchdown machine "Hurricane" Ike Hilliard. The Pups have a tough matchup this week, going against fantasy phenoms Jay Cutler, Adrian Peterson, Brandon Marshall, and Chris Chambers. Yeesh.

My new (and final) league is another ESPN public league, New York 668932, with my good buddy W
ill. We weren't in any leagues together this season and decided to remedy that. Isn't that queer? We both fielded strong teams, but ESPN does this weird thing where if you start a league after the season starts, they give your team a record based on randomly decided matchups with the league's other teams, using the points your players scored in weeks 1 and 2 with a starting line-up you don't choose. By the luck of the draw, my Chi City Cripplers started out 2 - 0. Will's River City Hustlers started out 0 - 2. The good news: we both won in week 3, and we think some teams are either bots or totally not paying attenting. My team thrashed Team Garcia (Stephen Garcia???) last week by 32 points. This week, I face Team Smiley (nice name, asshat) which Will's Hustlers soundly thumped last week. From the looks of things, I should take this week easily and improve to 4 - 0. By the way, the Cripplers are:

QB: Drew Brees, Jon Kitna
RB: Westbrook, Chris Johnson, LenDale White, Correll Buckhalter (this week), McClain
WR: Larry Fitzgerald, Hines Ward, Dwayne Bowe, Wes Welker, Bryant Johnson
TE: John Carlson,
Jeramy Stevens
K: Neil Rackers
D/ST: Tennessee Titans

I'm stacked.

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Yahoo!

In BIG WILLY'S FOOTBALL LEAGUE, my Shamrocks decimated AAA pantypumpers 207 -147 led bye Phillip Rivers' HUGE game and the stellar play of Roddy White and my sleeper pick Brandon Lloyd. That marks my first correct sleeper pick of the season. I hope Lloyd can keep it up, though that's doubtful with "Neckbeard" Kyle Orton throwing to him. I added Patrick Crayton for Ray Rice since McGahee and McClain are getting the carries in Baltimore and I needed another WR. I'm still looking for that elusive third RB (and I missed the boat on Rashard Mendenhall, though that may not be such a bad thing). The Shamrocks are 3 - 0 and in second place.

In Taylor Christiano's League, I was handed my second loss by the cleverly named holla bitches, who was victorious by a 60 point margin. Yikes. I thought this was one of my best teams and they are 1 - 2 through three weeks and
sitting near the bottom of the league! I made some significant moves this week to try and remedy things. I let Ray Rice go for his more productive counterpart Le'Ron McClain (pictured), cut New England's shitty defense for the sack machine D of Philadelphia, parted ways with first week fling Dante Rosario and grabbed New York's Kevin Boss on his bye week, dropped Rashard Mendenhall and his big mouth for last week's fantasy flame J.T. O'Sullivan, waved goodbye to Antwaan Randle El in order to grab Tampay Bay's Jeramy Stevens to fill this week's hole at TE, and grabbed another Buc, WR Antonio Bryant, while kicking Reggie Williams' unproductive ass to the curb. Phew! Let's hope something clicks this week and I can even up my record with another win.

Finally, in Yahoo Public 543788, The Shams lost a closer-than-it-looked game to King Zeke to drop my record to 2 -1. If I had gotten any production at all from Brian Westbrook or Eddie Royal, the win might have gone my way. I made no moves
during the week because I still believe in this team, though the injuries to Westbrook and Willie Parker worry me a little since all I have left at RB are Chris Johnson and Jamal Lewis. I will need a strong showing this week to compete with a bengals team that scored more than double the points I put up last week.
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Games of the Week


Minnesota @ Tennessee
This should be a defensive battle all the way. The Titans have a nasty D and will be looking to run on the other side of the ball with their two-headed tandem of Chris Johnson (pictured) and LenDale White. The Vikings also have a solid D and have some guy named Adrian Peterson (ya heard of him?) to give the ball to. However, this one will probably have to be won through the air (and therefore at the line of scrimmage), so veterans Kerry Collins and Gus Frerotte will be the deciding factors in this game. Sooner or later though, Johnson will get loose for the Titans. Tennessee wins it 17 - 10.

Green Bay @ Tampa Bay

Aaron Rodgers and the Packers' Al Harris-less D look to rebound from their first loss. Brian Griese and the Bucs look to build on last week's stolen win over Chicago in OT. I think Rodgers proves his mettle here. He looked good in the 4th quarter last Sunday. Packers win 24 - 17.

Washington @ Dallas
Here we go. The best rivalry in pro football. Skins and 'Boys. Big D looked dapper last week, picking up their first win at Lambeau. The Redskins won a tough game against a very good Arizona team. Jason Campbell (pictured)
looks like he's finally finding his form in Zorn's offense, and Santana Moss has a TD in every game so far this season. The Cowboys haven't been playing much defense, but they do have the Romo - TO connection and the beast that is Marion Barber, who has been unstoppable all year. The Cowboys are being given 11.5 points on Washington but I think it'll be closer than that. Look for both offenses to spread their wings. Final score: Dallas 31 - Washington 24.
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Player of the Week
Steve Smith - WR, Carolina Panthers

Smith was held to 70 yards and no TDs in last week's loss to the Vikings. This week, the Panthers assert their dominance over an NFC South rival and their mediocre pass defense. Look for Steve to put up triple digit yards and at least 1 score as he torches the Falcons' secondary on Sunday.
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For more NFL goodness, be sure to check out this week's Jamboroo over at Deadspin, as well as Bill Simmons' first power rankings of the season on ESPN's Page 2.